The Naruto Gang Learn about Santa Claus
by Sabaku no Sable
Summary: The Naruto Gang and the Sand Siblings were just lazying around from lack of missions when Kakashi pops up to inform them of an interesting man. WHO THE HECK IS SANTA CLAUS! AN: this is complete crack. contains Yaoi, violence, and probably language.


The Naruto Gang Learn about Santa Claus

The Naruto gang and Sand siblings were just lazing around since they didn't have any missions and the Sand siblings were waiting for a reply from Tsunade who was currently sleeping off a hangover in her office. Kiba was flirting with Hinata while Hinata was blushing. Shino was watching some ants work. Ino was trying to talk Chouji into not eating chips because she liked his skinny self (like that will ever happen). Tenten was trying to get Neji to let her cut his hair. He was currently giving her a glare that would make Orochimaru wet himself but it didn't affect her at all. Gaara was listening to his boyfriend Lee ramble on about the 'Springtime of Youth' or something. Shikamaru was watching some clouds while his girlfriend Temari slept beside him. Sai was being his normal pervy self and Sakura was yelling at him for it. Naruto was trying to convince Sasuke to go to the training ground to spar while Sasuke was trying to convince Naruto to come back to his house to 'spar.' (if you know what I mean) Of course Naruto was completely oblivious to what he meant so continued to argue that there wasn't enough room at Sasuke's house to spar. Kankuro was just watching it all while carving himself a little puppet.

"I told you there isn't enough room at your house to spar!" yelled Naruto.

"He isn't talking about sparring, you idiot! Sasuke wants you to go to his house to have sex! Now shut up!" yelled Sai.

Naruto just blushed while Sasuke glared at Sai for making his Naru-chan uncomfortable.

"Well why didn't he just say so!" said Naruto in his normal loud voice.

"That wouldn't have been very tactful," said Kakashi who just popped up behind Sakura who screamed and proceeded to flip around and punch Kakashi in the face. Everyone froze until Naruto burst out laughing.

"Sakura just punched Kakashi in the face" said Naruto in between laughs. Sasuke couldn't help but smirk at Kakashi's annoyed face.

"I am so sorry, Kakashi-sensei, but you shouldn't sneak up on me like that!" yelled Sakura.

"I can't believe he didn't see that coming," said Sai.

"Now Sai. Be good or Santa wont give you presents next year." Said Kakashi.

"Who's Santa Claus?" asked Naruto.

"You don't know who Santa Claus is?" asked Kakashi.

All of the teens shook their heads. "Is he some kind of special ninja or something?" asked Naruto. (Have you noticed Naru is the only one willing to ask anything? Weird.)

"Santa Claus is a jolly man who watches little boys and girls to make sure they are good. If they are, he comes to their house on Christmas night to give them presents. If they are bad, they get coal," explained Kakashi.

"So let me get this straight," said Sasuke. "Some guy watches little kids and breaks into their houses on Christmas Eve to give them presents?" Kakashi simply nods.

" AND NO ONE FINDS THIS COMPLETELY DISTURBING!" screamed Sakura.

"It's just some guy giving kids presents," said Kakashi.

"AND BREAKING INTO THEIR HOUSES WHILE STALKING THEM!" yelled Naruto.

"I must agree with Naruto on this one," said Sasuke.

"Of course, you are going to agree with the person that you are sleeping with," said Kiba.

"We've never had sex," said Naruto. Utter silence met this confession. Naruto was too embarrassed that he had said anything and Sasuke was glaring at everyone and daring them to say anything. They wisely remained silent except Shino and Gaara who really didn't care.

"Umm…so wouldn't the Santa thing be like not taking candy from strangers?" asked Naruto, trying to change the subject.

"Exactly," said Sakura understanding the need to change the subject before Kiba lost his sense and said something, resulting in his demise. "Why would you take presents from some strange guy that broke into your house and watches you every second of the day? That is just wrong."

"The presents could be a bomb," said Neji.

"Or a poison gas," said Kankuro.

"Or even some body part of someone they know to try and scare you which results in the child being traumatized for life," said Gaara while stroking Lee's hair. Everyone was silent before simultaneously shivering at this except Gaara and Shino who once again didn't care.

"Not to mention the fact that this sick guy watches children sleep and stuff. I mean if he watches children all the time then he even watches them bath and stuff," said Tenten.

"SANTA IS A PERVY PEDO!" Naruto jumped up and screamed at the same time that Lee jumped up and screamed "SANTA IS VERY UNYOUTHFUL!" Sasuke and Gaara looked at each other before wisely pulling their boyfriends back down before they went to assassinate Santa Claus for the sake of youth or something stupid like that.

"I am sure if he is supposed to be good that he doesn't watch children bath," said Kakashi who no one had realized was still there.

"Lets ask Shikamaru what he thinks. He always figures stuff out like this," said Ino. Shikamaru had fallen asleep soon after Kakashi had gotten there.

"Well anyway. I believe we are all in agreement that Santa is bad. Agreed?" asked Sasuke. Everyone nodded his or her head.

"Well, have fun with that. I have to go see a certain dolphin about a certain problem I seem to have developed," said Kakashi before walking away leaving behind 15 very confused teens.

"He is going to have sex with Iruka," explained Naruto. Everyone blinked.

"You could figure that out from his vague explanation but you couldn't figure out that your own boyfriend wanted to have sex with you?" asked Sai.

"Yes," answered Naruto honestly.

"You are hopeless," exclaimed Sai.

"Whatever. Come on Sasuke. Lets go to my secret place and spar," said Naruto.

"Um… Naruto. Your secret place is a lake in the middle of a forest. How are we going to spar there? There is hardly any room?" asked Sasuke.

"Actually I was talking about the small cave behind the waterfall where we could be completely alone and no one would be able to find us for hours," said Naruto as he slowly walked away and waiting for Sasuke to figure it out. Sasuke blinked for a couple of seconds before running up and grabbing Naruto to drag him to Naruto's secret spot.

Everyone just sat there blinking for a few minutes before Sakura broke the silence.

"You don't think Naruto knew what Sasuke wanted the whole time and was just playing us, do you?" asked Sakura.

"That will probably be one of the things we never figure out like the whole Santa thing," said Neji.

"I personally don't think he's smart enough," said Kiba.

"Then you don't know Naruto-kun very well," said Hinata.

"What do you mean?" asked Sakura.

"Why don't you go ask Jiraiya where he got the inspiration for his new main character? Naruto may not of had sex with Sasuke but he had a boyfriend before him," said Hinata before walking off.

"She can't be serious, can she?" asked Ino. Everyone just shrugged.

And so ended a very confusing day that started out so quiet.


End file.
